The rest of this article is a practical elaboration of the following statement:

To live a realistically healthy and peaceful life, we must attend to our physical, cognitive, and emotional selves.

But FIRST, like the psychologist's light bulb,* we must truly want to change. If you take yourself and your life seriously and are willing to spend at least FIVE MINUTES A DAY consciously practicing some form of relaxation (not including naps or television), YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. [Small print: a chronic inability to be still and quiet for five minutes probably means there is a significant obstacle to peace in your life, which may require professional help.] size>

Your Physical Self:  As long as you are conscious you can use the rhythm of your breathing as a focus for relaxation: Sit comfortably upright and simply pay attention to how your breath moves into your nostrils, through your lungs, to your diaphragm, and back out; When you begin, limit yourself to five minutes. Sometimes counting your breaths from 1 - 10 can help focus your mind, and most people find early morning or late evening to be the easiest times to set aside for this, but during your body's "down time" in the late afternoon can be good, too.

Also, stretching, good nutrition, consistent and sufficient sleep, and regular exercise (increased pulse for at least 20 minutes every other day) will add to your capacity for peacefulness.

Your Cognitive Self:  As John Milton wrote, "The mind is its own place/ and in itself can make/ a Heav'n of Hell/ or a Hell of Heav'n." While there are many "mind traps" we fall into regularly, keeping us chronically anxious-and we each have our favorites-a couple of mental exercises can significantly help us back to peace of mind.

1. Follow your fears to their ultimate extremes: "I'm worried about getting bad grades; if I get bad grades they'll throw me out of school; if they throw me out of school I won't be able to get a job and I'll be too ashamed to face my family; so I'll be homeless and will eventually lose my mind." Tracking our anxiety can be difficult at first, but doing this in writing makes it easier to see our leaps of "logic" and our irrational conclusions. (That was an irrational conclusion.)
2. Use breathing and stretching techniques to interrupt your mind-body feedback loop: Scary thoughts arouse our body's nervous system ("fight or flight"), which then sends stronger signals to our brain confirming we are in danger, which further arouses our body.... The extreme of this is a panic attack. There are also a number of basic "cognitive distortions" (e.g., "all or none" thinking, "catastrophizing") that reduce our peacefulness, and you can read about them in David Burns' Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (1992).

Your Emotional Self:  There is now undeniable evidence that emotional suppression leads to physiological and psychological ills, making it all the harder to keep our peace (see Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions (1997), by James Pennebaker). In addition, Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence, 1995) writes convincingly that rational thinking cannot occur without ready access to the full range of our emotions. And Harry Harlowe's monkeys got all screwed up when they were deprived of touch and companionship.

So what can you do to improve your peace of mind by enhancing your emotional life? Make sure you have at least two people you can be open with and depend on, and vice versa. Keep a word or art journal where you record and express your feelings. Join a group or a team that allows you to interact regularly with other people. And when you sit quietly listening to your breath FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES A DAY, learn to "listen" to your body and feelings as well. Give them a chance to be experienced. Both "good" and "bad" emotions will pass through you in their own season, like the ebbing and flowing of your breath.

If you consciously apply these simple practices to your daily life, you can learn to have dependable peace of mind. You can learn to truly relax.

Jon-Patrik Pedersen
Caltech Counseling Center

* "How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it has to want to change." size>